【翻譯練習】揮別分手傷痛的的有效良方 (根據科學研究)
Recovering from a Breakup: Proven Ways to Heal (From Science)
作者：Karen Young
來源：https://www.heysigmund.com/recovering-from-a-breakup
Even if your heart tries to pull its broken self together to tell you it's for the best, and your head – foggy and sad – tells you the pain will pass, the agony of a breakup can be relentless. When you're recovering from a breakup, it's important not to hurry things along – it's your time to reset, recharge and draw wisdom from the experience – but what if your healing could be strong and complete … and quicker? Science may have just found the way.
你的心試圖修補殘缺的破片，勸慰著你分手是最好的決定；你的頭腦渾渾噩噩，愁雲籠罩，但仍鼓勵你痛苦終究會過去。儘管如此，分手的悲痛依然揮之不去。分手後正在療傷的你，請記住凡事千萬別操之過急：這段時間是讓你重新歸零、重新充電、並從中獲取寶貴教訓的。不過，我們有沒有辦法堅強撐過療傷期，讓傷口完整癒合……而且更快走出傷痛呢？或許科學為我們指引了一條明路。
New research has found that broken-hearted ones who reflected more on their relationships over a nine week period had a stronger overall recovery from their breakup.
新的研究發現，分手後的人如果在接下來 9 週內更常反省這段關係，他們整體的復原情況更佳。
An important part of the healing is a process called 'self-concept reorganisation', which involves rebuilding and strengthening the sense of who you are, independent of the relationship.
「自我概念重整」(self-concept reorganisation) 的過程，是分手療傷中非常重要的一環，也就是重建並強化在交往關係之外「我是誰」的這種感受。
Relationships have a profound impact on the beliefs we have about ourselves, whether we realise it or not. During the course of a relationship, it's very normal to 'intertwine' with a partner. Goals and directions change, as well as wants and needs for now and the future.
交往對於我們對自己這個人的認知，會產生深遠的影響，我們自己可能會察覺到，也可能不會。在交往過程中，我們往往會和另一半「糾纏」在一起。目標與方向改變了，現在和未來的渴望與需求也不一樣了。
This isn't because you lose yourself, though certainly that can happen, but because intimacy involves opening up to another person – opening up to their love, wants, needs, feelings, opinions, love, goals, dreams. When that happens, you can't help but be influenced and eventually move in the same direction. Sometimes that involves adjusting your own sails. It's all a healthy part of being with someone fully, and part of the unpredictable magic of relationships.
這並不是因為你迷失了自我 (但的確可能是因為迷失自我)，而是因為親密會讓我們開放心胸去接納另一個人 ── 接納對方的愛、渴望、需求、感覺、想法、喜好、目標、夢想。當你敞開自我去接納對方，你也會身不由己受到影響，最後兩人朝著同個方向前進。有時你會選擇修正自己的路線。全心全意和另一半攜手前行，是很健康美好的一件事，這也是戀愛關係裡令人難以預料的魔力。
A breakup means the undoing of this merging, which is painful to go through. However strong and independent a person may be, the fracturing of a relationship can also mean the fracturing of the self-concept. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is that it up-ends things as you've come to know them. The familiar is gone, plans are changed and the future all of a sudden has too many blank spaces where happy things used to be.
一旦分手，便意味著這種交融的牽扯糾纏應聲而斷，要度過這段過程實在苦痛萬分。不管一個人多麼堅強獨立，關係的破裂也代表著自我概念的碎裂。分手最痛苦的一個地方，就是分手顛覆了你原本的認知。熟悉的另一半從此遠去，計畫趕不上變化，未來的藍圖裡忽然就多出了好幾處空缺，而這些空缺原本該留下歡樂的回憶的。
Part of the healing is re-establishing who you are without your partner. Anything that can repair and re-strengthen the self-concept, will accelerate healing.
療傷的一個過程，就是重建在沒有另一半的狀態下的你。只要是能夠修補和重新強化自我概念的辦法，都可以加快癒合速度。
So, to get you back to strong, based on science …
那麼，想要堅強走出分手傷痛，可以參考科學研究指出的方法：
1. Talk. Go on. Go for it.
說出來吧。日子還是要過。好好生活。
There are a couple of ways that talking about a breakup might help to facilitate healing. The first is that talking about the relationship will help to bring a different perspective to things. It's not called a 'breakup' because it's working well. Being in love or being in like-a-lot can blur things, hide things and dress things up, sometimes at the cost of clarity. There will be a level of insight that will throw itself at your feet when you talk about the relationship from a more distant perspective.
或許談談分手這件事，可以讓你更快告別傷痛，理由如下：首先，討論這段關係，會引發你從不同角度思考這件事。我們不說「關係破裂」，因為其實還是好好的。熱戀或充滿喜歡的情緒，會蒙蔽我們的目光，掩蓋事情的真相，並美化所見到的一切，有時候我們的頭腦完全不清楚究竟發生了什麼事。當你站在比較遠的地方來探討這段關係，某種程度的洞見便會自動顯現在你面前。
2. Find your story.
找出屬於自己的故事。
Talking helps to construct a story of the relationship that gives meaning to the experience – including the experience of the relationship, the breakup, and perhaps most importantly for healing, the recovery. Let me explain …
說出來的過程中，你也同時寫下了這段關係的故事，為這次經歷賦予意義 ── 包括交往的經歷、分手的經歷，以及也許對療傷最重要的，復原的經歷。說明如下：
If you tell the story of your breakup as one of rejection and a lost happy ever after, recovery will be slow, kind of like 'walking through quicksand' type of slow. It's really easy to get stuck in this narrative when the thoughts are locked in your head and want to be with you at 2am. On the other hand, talking to people in your tribe will help you find a way to understand your story from a position of strength. This might involve finding the lessons, the learning and reframing the experience as, say, an ending, rather than a rejection.
如果你把分手描述成一段被拒絕的事件，從此以後再也找不到幸福，那麼復原的過程會很緩慢，就像「穿越流沙」那樣地牛步前進。當這些想法縈繞在你的腦海，凌晨 2 點依然揮之不去，你會很容易陷入這樣的自我哀憐裡。相對地，向親友傾訴內心想法，可以讓你站在有力的位置來好好認清自己發生了什麼事。也許你會學到教訓，給自己上了一課，並把這次經歷重新理解為一段關係的結束，而不是被拒絕。
3. An emotional release – journalling.
情緒的宣洩 ── 寫日記。
Having an emotional release is an important part of healing. Journalling is one way to do this as it allows you to capture and give definition to the thoughts and feelings that are swirling around inside. Journalling doesn't have to be done every day to have an effect. Even a few times a week will help the healing.
抒發情緒是療傷的重點。寫日記是一種吐露心情的作法，讓你牢牢抓住徘徊在內心的想法與感受，並給它們下定義。日記不一定要每天寫才有效。就算一週只寫幾次，就很能幫助療傷了。
4. Write – as though you're talking to a stranger.
書寫 ── 假裝你在對一個陌生人說話。
Writing repeatedly about the process of the breakup as though speaking with a stranger about it, is another way to move towards healing. As well as being an emotional release, it also encourages a fresh perspective and new insights.
採取對陌生人說話的口吻，重複書寫這段分手過程，這也是一種促進復原的方式。書寫不僅能夠宣洩情緒，還能激發出全新的觀點和別出心裁的見解。
5. Reclaim yourself – what's been neglected?
找回自我 ── 有哪些自我的層面被你忽略了？
Reclaiming a strong self-concept – establishing who you are outside of the relationship – is critical and will be enormously supportive of a recovery. Think about the parts of yourself that might have been pushed aside during the relationship. When you've found these, find ways to build them and nurture them.
找回你強大的自我概念，把交往關係之外的「我是誰」給建立起來，是個非常關鍵的步驟，而且會是支持你復原的巨大力量。想想你在交往的期間，是否漠視了自我的哪些層面。當你找回這些被忽略的自我，就要設法重新建構自我，並且把自我滋養得更強壯。
6. And expand them.
擴展自我概念。
Find new ways to expand your self concept. When you feel ready, (or maybe a little before then) take up new interests, establish new goals or re-establish your direction. Given that your need to connect has been messed with, anything that will give you the opportunity to connect with others who will also see you as your own, unique person will really help the healing process.
尋找新的方法來擴展自我概念。當你覺得準備好了 (或快要準備好了)，不妨嘗試新的興趣，設定新的目標，或者重新修正自己的方向。你的與人連結的需求在分手後被攪得一團糟，因此，只要你有機會能和將你視為獨一無二個體的其他人搭上連結，也會對療傷帶來實質幫助。
A breakup is an ending, not a rejection. It might not feel like that initially, but it's an important thing to remember. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to whole but you will get there. Healing from a broken heart is as much a physical process as it is an emotional one. It's very similar to recovering from an addiction, which is why it feels so hard and so damn painful.
分手是關係的結束，不是自我的被拒絕。或許你在分手之初還沒辦法這麼想，不過請務必記住這件事。情滅了，心碎了，勢必得花一些時間找回完整的自己，不過總有一天會走出來的。分手後的療傷是心理上的過程，也很像生理上的過程。這種感覺跟擺脫成癮十分類似，這也是為什麼分手療傷讓人覺得這麼難，而且要命地這麼痛。
Above all else, remember that there were things about you that were beautiful, strong, vibrant and extraordinary before the relationship. Nothing has changed.
最重要的，別忘了在交往之前的你，曾經美麗大方、堅強無比、活力十足、而且與眾不同。而現在的你，依然如此美好。
作者：Karen Young
來源：https://www.heysigmund.com/recovering-from-a-breakup
Even if your heart tries to pull its broken self together to tell you it's for the best, and your head – foggy and sad – tells you the pain will pass, the agony of a breakup can be relentless. When you're recovering from a breakup, it's important not to hurry things along – it's your time to reset, recharge and draw wisdom from the experience – but what if your healing could be strong and complete … and quicker? Science may have just found the way.
你的心試圖修補殘缺的破片，勸慰著你分手是最好的決定；你的頭腦渾渾噩噩，愁雲籠罩，但仍鼓勵你痛苦終究會過去。儘管如此，分手的悲痛依然揮之不去。分手後正在療傷的你，請記住凡事千萬別操之過急：這段時間是讓你重新歸零、重新充電、並從中獲取寶貴教訓的。不過，我們有沒有辦法堅強撐過療傷期，讓傷口完整癒合……而且更快走出傷痛呢？或許科學為我們指引了一條明路。
New research has found that broken-hearted ones who reflected more on their relationships over a nine week period had a stronger overall recovery from their breakup.
新的研究發現，分手後的人如果在接下來 9 週內更常反省這段關係，他們整體的復原情況更佳。
An important part of the healing is a process called 'self-concept reorganisation', which involves rebuilding and strengthening the sense of who you are, independent of the relationship.
「自我概念重整」(self-concept reorganisation) 的過程，是分手療傷中非常重要的一環，也就是重建並強化在交往關係之外「我是誰」的這種感受。
Relationships have a profound impact on the beliefs we have about ourselves, whether we realise it or not. During the course of a relationship, it's very normal to 'intertwine' with a partner. Goals and directions change, as well as wants and needs for now and the future.
交往對於我們對自己這個人的認知，會產生深遠的影響，我們自己可能會察覺到，也可能不會。在交往過程中，我們往往會和另一半「糾纏」在一起。目標與方向改變了，現在和未來的渴望與需求也不一樣了。
This isn't because you lose yourself, though certainly that can happen, but because intimacy involves opening up to another person – opening up to their love, wants, needs, feelings, opinions, love, goals, dreams. When that happens, you can't help but be influenced and eventually move in the same direction. Sometimes that involves adjusting your own sails. It's all a healthy part of being with someone fully, and part of the unpredictable magic of relationships.
這並不是因為你迷失了自我 (但的確可能是因為迷失自我)，而是因為親密會讓我們開放心胸去接納另一個人 ── 接納對方的愛、渴望、需求、感覺、想法、喜好、目標、夢想。當你敞開自我去接納對方，你也會身不由己受到影響，最後兩人朝著同個方向前進。有時你會選擇修正自己的路線。全心全意和另一半攜手前行，是很健康美好的一件事，這也是戀愛關係裡令人難以預料的魔力。
A breakup means the undoing of this merging, which is painful to go through. However strong and independent a person may be, the fracturing of a relationship can also mean the fracturing of the self-concept. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is that it up-ends things as you've come to know them. The familiar is gone, plans are changed and the future all of a sudden has too many blank spaces where happy things used to be.
一旦分手，便意味著這種交融的牽扯糾纏應聲而斷，要度過這段過程實在苦痛萬分。不管一個人多麼堅強獨立，關係的破裂也代表著自我概念的碎裂。分手最痛苦的一個地方，就是分手顛覆了你原本的認知。熟悉的另一半從此遠去，計畫趕不上變化，未來的藍圖裡忽然就多出了好幾處空缺，而這些空缺原本該留下歡樂的回憶的。
Part of the healing is re-establishing who you are without your partner. Anything that can repair and re-strengthen the self-concept, will accelerate healing.
療傷的一個過程，就是重建在沒有另一半的狀態下的你。只要是能夠修補和重新強化自我概念的辦法，都可以加快癒合速度。
So, to get you back to strong, based on science …
那麼，想要堅強走出分手傷痛，可以參考科學研究指出的方法：
1. Talk. Go on. Go for it.
說出來吧。日子還是要過。好好生活。
There are a couple of ways that talking about a breakup might help to facilitate healing. The first is that talking about the relationship will help to bring a different perspective to things. It's not called a 'breakup' because it's working well. Being in love or being in like-a-lot can blur things, hide things and dress things up, sometimes at the cost of clarity. There will be a level of insight that will throw itself at your feet when you talk about the relationship from a more distant perspective.
或許談談分手這件事，可以讓你更快告別傷痛，理由如下：首先，討論這段關係，會引發你從不同角度思考這件事。我們不說「關係破裂」，因為其實還是好好的。熱戀或充滿喜歡的情緒，會蒙蔽我們的目光，掩蓋事情的真相，並美化所見到的一切，有時候我們的頭腦完全不清楚究竟發生了什麼事。當你站在比較遠的地方來探討這段關係，某種程度的洞見便會自動顯現在你面前。
2. Find your story.
找出屬於自己的故事。
Talking helps to construct a story of the relationship that gives meaning to the experience – including the experience of the relationship, the breakup, and perhaps most importantly for healing, the recovery. Let me explain …
說出來的過程中，你也同時寫下了這段關係的故事，為這次經歷賦予意義 ── 包括交往的經歷、分手的經歷，以及也許對療傷最重要的，復原的經歷。說明如下：
If you tell the story of your breakup as one of rejection and a lost happy ever after, recovery will be slow, kind of like 'walking through quicksand' type of slow. It's really easy to get stuck in this narrative when the thoughts are locked in your head and want to be with you at 2am. On the other hand, talking to people in your tribe will help you find a way to understand your story from a position of strength. This might involve finding the lessons, the learning and reframing the experience as, say, an ending, rather than a rejection.
如果你把分手描述成一段被拒絕的事件，從此以後再也找不到幸福，那麼復原的過程會很緩慢，就像「穿越流沙」那樣地牛步前進。當這些想法縈繞在你的腦海，凌晨 2 點依然揮之不去，你會很容易陷入這樣的自我哀憐裡。相對地，向親友傾訴內心想法，可以讓你站在有力的位置來好好認清自己發生了什麼事。也許你會學到教訓，給自己上了一課，並把這次經歷重新理解為一段關係的結束，而不是被拒絕。
3. An emotional release – journalling.
情緒的宣洩 ── 寫日記。
Having an emotional release is an important part of healing. Journalling is one way to do this as it allows you to capture and give definition to the thoughts and feelings that are swirling around inside. Journalling doesn't have to be done every day to have an effect. Even a few times a week will help the healing.
抒發情緒是療傷的重點。寫日記是一種吐露心情的作法，讓你牢牢抓住徘徊在內心的想法與感受，並給它們下定義。日記不一定要每天寫才有效。就算一週只寫幾次，就很能幫助療傷了。
4. Write – as though you're talking to a stranger.
書寫 ── 假裝你在對一個陌生人說話。
Writing repeatedly about the process of the breakup as though speaking with a stranger about it, is another way to move towards healing. As well as being an emotional release, it also encourages a fresh perspective and new insights.
採取對陌生人說話的口吻，重複書寫這段分手過程，這也是一種促進復原的方式。書寫不僅能夠宣洩情緒，還能激發出全新的觀點和別出心裁的見解。
5. Reclaim yourself – what's been neglected?
找回自我 ── 有哪些自我的層面被你忽略了？
Reclaiming a strong self-concept – establishing who you are outside of the relationship – is critical and will be enormously supportive of a recovery. Think about the parts of yourself that might have been pushed aside during the relationship. When you've found these, find ways to build them and nurture them.
找回你強大的自我概念，把交往關係之外的「我是誰」給建立起來，是個非常關鍵的步驟，而且會是支持你復原的巨大力量。想想你在交往的期間，是否漠視了自我的哪些層面。當你找回這些被忽略的自我，就要設法重新建構自我，並且把自我滋養得更強壯。
6. And expand them.
擴展自我概念。
Find new ways to expand your self concept. When you feel ready, (or maybe a little before then) take up new interests, establish new goals or re-establish your direction. Given that your need to connect has been messed with, anything that will give you the opportunity to connect with others who will also see you as your own, unique person will really help the healing process.
尋找新的方法來擴展自我概念。當你覺得準備好了 (或快要準備好了)，不妨嘗試新的興趣，設定新的目標，或者重新修正自己的方向。你的與人連結的需求在分手後被攪得一團糟，因此，只要你有機會能和將你視為獨一無二個體的其他人搭上連結，也會對療傷帶來實質幫助。
A breakup is an ending, not a rejection. It might not feel like that initially, but it's an important thing to remember. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to whole but you will get there. Healing from a broken heart is as much a physical process as it is an emotional one. It's very similar to recovering from an addiction, which is why it feels so hard and so damn painful.
分手是關係的結束，不是自我的被拒絕。或許你在分手之初還沒辦法這麼想，不過請務必記住這件事。情滅了，心碎了，勢必得花一些時間找回完整的自己，不過總有一天會走出來的。分手後的療傷是心理上的過程，也很像生理上的過程。這種感覺跟擺脫成癮十分類似，這也是為什麼分手療傷讓人覺得這麼難，而且要命地這麼痛。
Above all else, remember that there were things about you that were beautiful, strong, vibrant and extraordinary before the relationship. Nothing has changed.
最重要的，別忘了在交往之前的你，曾經美麗大方、堅強無比、活力十足、而且與眾不同。而現在的你，依然如此美好。
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